A radio drama produced in weekly installments by students from Ryerson University in Toronto, Canada, Bedfordshire University in England, and RMIT University in Melbourne, Australia. Subscribe to our podcast to catch every episode!
Nice work on episode #2. A few Ryerson students will be posting detailed feedback about it before next Monday (which I guess is really Tuesday for you Australians).
Just to let you know, the Ryerson students are getting graded on the feedback they give to you, which means they are required to point out not only what's good about your episodes but also what needs improvement, and why. We hope all the feedback will be taken in the spirit that it's meant: so we can all learn from each other's work and discover ways to improve not only our writing and production skills, but also our ability to give and receive constructive criticism, which is so important in the media industry. Cheers, Lori
Hello, It looks like I'm the first person to post the feedback. Well, I feel weird, but I hope it's constructive and that the next groups keep learn from it too.
Here it is: Feedback for Episode #2 By Danielle Jones
The second episode of the bouncing story was pretty good. In terms of the production, it was pretty impressive, although it would have been easier to follow the characters if they were panned slightly differently. I really liked the use of the thunder at the beginning and end of the episode. In terms of plotline I found that the pacing was just a little bit too slow. If the characters had cut each other off a little bit more, or even the pauses in between each character’s lines were smaller, it would have sounded a little bit more conversational. I found there were two missed opportunities to add to the plot a little bit more and to make the entire production more engaging rather than just having the characters walking and talking. The first was when all the characters but Jenna were in the car and realized that she wasn’t there. I’m not sure whether she was thrown out of the car or somehow left the car that was left unexplained and was a little bit confusing. If she were thrown out of the car she probably would have had more injuries. This could have been used for more action. For example maybe hearing Jenna moaning in the background, finding her, and then helping her up while she describes briefly what happened. The second missed opportunity was at the end when Andy was left behind. I like that he was left behind because it gives the next group an opportunity to then take the story to another level with two plotlines; one with the group and the other with Andy. However, as a listener it would have been slightly more intriguing and exciting to hear him slip or to hear the ordeal instead of having someone rush up near the end. It felt like that line was an added detail at the end and wasn’t carefully thought through. Overall though the characters kept to their original personality which was good and made it easier to follow. The setting was pretty well established with the rain and the footsteps. I really liked how as the group first leaves the car the rain gets louder. That was a great way of changing the setting from inside to outside. The footsteps were effective up to a point. I think after a while it got a little tiring to hear them all the time. I think instead of just the footsteps to indicate that they have been walking for a long time maybe the use of some sort of effect to make it seem like a lot of time has passed. For example the cheesy harp sound and then coming back to the characters complaining about walking for too long and being cold and wet in the middle of nowhere. There was this one noise that occurred often that sounded like leprechauns or some sort of weird creature and I was just wondering whether that was the sound of an Australian animal or whether it was put there as a weird inexplicable noise that could later be explained by the next group? In terms of the vocal talent I found that for the most part everyone sounded pretty dull and at points when characters could have had interesting reactions they didn’t quite get to that level of reaction. I don’t know how the voices were recorded but I think the group recording would have been best for this situation just because the script was so heavily dependent on dialogue and character development. As I said before, the voices could have been panned more and as they walked they could have gone from one side to the other. Also, some of the male voices were hard to distinguish. Maybe if one of the voices had some different EQ to it the listener would be able to easily distinguish the differences. Overall it was a great stepping-stone to the next plot point in the story. This section of the story did a pretty good job of character development and of making sure that the next group isn’t pinned into a corner when deciding what the next episode should be. There were a few problems with the script, pacing and use of sound effects, but for the most part is was effective and did paint a picture.
Well it seems that I am the second person to submit my feedback. I hope it's helpful and I hope to hear the feedback from you guys on our episodes.
Feedback for Episode #2 By Karen Brown
Overall the episode was interesting, however, I found that at the end it got much more exciting and engaging. One thing that was great about this episode and the script is the continuation of the characters from the first episode. Their traits and relationships to each other were kept the same as they were in the first episode and just built upon. An improvement of the script would for example to actually hear the guy fall instead of talking about it after the fact and also the explanation for the accent change wasn’t necessary. Also there is no way for the listener to know either by the script or use of sound effects how much time has passed. It’s funny but it kind of takes away from the continuing story. I do like the Australian references, for example Crocodile Dundee. There was a conflict that the characters had to face and the ending was open in a way that allowed for anything to happen to the characters in the next episode. It took it away from what one way the story could have gone and it went in another direction that I wasn’t expecting. Even though it takes the story in a new direction there is more than enough room for the next story especially with creating a second story that can be followed. One problem I did have was following which character was which, the names were only mentioned sporadically and it made it hard to figure out which person was which. There were some production elements that were good while there were others that could be improved. The rain sound effect is awesome. It is so much better than anything that we have in the Audio Library. It sounds really realistic and at the beginning of the episode you could hear it change acoustically from the inside of the car to outside the car. Also the use of thunder at the beginning and the end is a nice touch of continuity and it also adds a more sinister feel to the end of the episode. One of the production problems was the footsteps of the characters. They were too much in the forefront and also the use of footsteps continuously to show movement is not necessary. Instead you could have had someone mention you were walking or have a something like a river and have them gradually get closer than pass it and move away. Also since Jenna seems to the main character and a lot of the time stuff is told from her perspective you could have used only one set of footsteps. That being said about the footsteps there is a nice change of texture when they move from the ground to what appears to be a front porch. The entire episode painted a picture for me. I understood what was going on. However, while a picture was painted it was not always clear. I didn’t understand how much time had passed. Was it supposed to be three minutes or was it supposed to be hours that had gone by. The main thing that can be improved upon in production is the use of footsteps. They should not be used as much as they were in this one. Also instead of talking about things you could have used sounds and actually gone to the event. One of the actors was particularly good, he was believably short of breathe unfortunately I couldn’t figure out which character it was, all I know is that it isn’t Andy. The main question that I have about the second episode is: what are those noises in the forest? Is it animals or is it weird leprechauns? The unfortunate thing about those noises is that when the came up in the episode I forgot about everything else and just listened to that. Overall, however, it was a good episode.
4 comments:
Hey folks,
Nice work on episode #2. A few Ryerson students will be posting detailed feedback about it before next Monday (which I guess is really Tuesday for you Australians).
Just to let you know, the Ryerson students are getting graded on the feedback they give to you, which means they are required to point out not only what's good about your episodes but also what needs improvement, and why. We hope all the feedback will be taken in the spirit that it's meant: so we can all learn from each other's work and discover ways to improve not only our writing and production skills, but also our ability to give and receive constructive criticism, which is so important in the media industry.
Cheers,
Lori
Thanks for letting me know, Chris. The main link should be fixed now.
Cheers,
Lori
Hello,
It looks like I'm the first person to post the feedback. Well, I feel weird, but I hope it's constructive and that the next groups keep learn from it too.
Here it is: Feedback for Episode #2
By Danielle Jones
The second episode of the bouncing story was pretty good. In terms of the production, it was pretty impressive, although it would have been easier to follow the characters if they were panned slightly differently. I really liked the use of the thunder at the beginning and end of the episode. In terms of plotline I found that the pacing was just a little bit too slow. If the characters had cut each other off a little bit more, or even the pauses in between each character’s lines were smaller, it would have sounded a little bit more conversational.
I found there were two missed opportunities to add to the plot a little bit more and to make the entire production more engaging rather than just having the characters walking and talking. The first was when all the characters but Jenna were in the car and realized that she wasn’t there. I’m not sure whether she was thrown out of the car or somehow left the car that was left unexplained and was a little bit confusing. If she were thrown out of the car she probably would have had more injuries. This could have been used for more action. For example maybe hearing Jenna moaning in the background, finding her, and then helping her up while she describes briefly what happened. The second missed opportunity was at the end when Andy was left behind. I like that he was left behind because it gives the next group an opportunity to then take the story to another level with two plotlines; one with the group and the other with Andy. However, as a listener it would have been slightly more intriguing and exciting to hear him slip or to hear the ordeal instead of having someone rush up near the end. It felt like that line was an added detail at the end and wasn’t carefully thought through. Overall though the characters kept to their original personality which was good and made it easier to follow.
The setting was pretty well established with the rain and the footsteps. I really liked how as the group first leaves the car the rain gets louder. That was a great way of changing the setting from inside to outside. The footsteps were effective up to a point. I think after a while it got a little tiring to hear them all the time. I think instead of just the footsteps to indicate that they have been walking for a long time maybe the use of some sort of effect to make it seem like a lot of time has passed. For example the cheesy harp sound and then coming back to the characters complaining about walking for too long and being cold and wet in the middle of nowhere.
There was this one noise that occurred often that sounded like leprechauns or some sort of weird creature and I was just wondering whether that was the sound of an Australian animal or whether it was put there as a weird inexplicable noise that could later be explained by the next group?
In terms of the vocal talent I found that for the most part everyone sounded pretty dull and at points when characters could have had interesting reactions they didn’t quite get to that level of reaction. I don’t know how the voices were recorded but I think the group recording would have been best for this situation just because the script was so heavily dependent on dialogue and character development.
As I said before, the voices could have been panned more and as they walked they could have gone from one side to the other. Also, some of the male voices were hard to distinguish. Maybe if one of the voices had some different EQ to it the listener would be able to easily distinguish the differences.
Overall it was a great stepping-stone to the next plot point in the story. This section of the story did a pretty good job of character development and of making sure that the next group isn’t pinned into a corner when deciding what the next episode should be. There were a few problems with the script, pacing and use of sound effects, but for the most part is was effective and did paint a picture.
Hope that is helpful.
-Danielle
Well it seems that I am the second person to submit my feedback. I hope it's helpful and I hope to hear the feedback from you guys on our episodes.
Feedback for Episode #2
By Karen Brown
Overall the episode was interesting, however, I found that at the end it got much more exciting and engaging. One thing that was great about this episode and the script is the continuation of the characters from the first episode. Their traits and relationships to each other were kept the same as they were in the first episode and just built upon. An improvement of the script would for example to actually hear the guy fall instead of talking about it after the fact and also the explanation for the accent change wasn’t necessary. Also there is no way for the listener to know either by the script or use of sound effects how much time has passed. It’s funny but it kind of takes away from the continuing story. I do like the Australian references, for example Crocodile Dundee.
There was a conflict that the characters had to face and the ending was open in a way that allowed for anything to happen to the characters in the next episode. It took it away from what one way the story could have gone and it went in another direction that I wasn’t expecting. Even though it takes the story in a new direction there is more than enough room for the next story especially with creating a second story that can be followed. One problem I did have was following which character was which, the names were only mentioned sporadically and it made it hard to figure out which person was which.
There were some production elements that were good while there were others that could be improved. The rain sound effect is awesome. It is so much better than anything that we have in the Audio Library. It sounds really realistic and at the beginning of the episode you could hear it change acoustically from the inside of the car to outside the car. Also the use of thunder at the beginning and the end is a nice touch of continuity and it also adds a more sinister feel to the end of the episode. One of the production problems was the footsteps of the characters. They were too much in the forefront and also the use of footsteps continuously to show movement is not necessary. Instead you could have had someone mention you were walking or have a something like a river and have them gradually get closer than pass it and move away. Also since Jenna seems to the main character and a lot of the time stuff is told from her perspective you could have used only one set of footsteps. That being said about the footsteps there is a nice change of texture when they move from the ground to what appears to be a front porch.
The entire episode painted a picture for me. I understood what was going on. However, while a picture was painted it was not always clear. I didn’t understand how much time had passed. Was it supposed to be three minutes or was it supposed to be hours that had gone by. The main thing that can be improved upon in production is the use of footsteps. They should not be used as much as they were in this one. Also instead of talking about things you could have used sounds and actually gone to the event. One of the actors was particularly good, he was believably short of breathe unfortunately I couldn’t figure out which character it was, all I know is that it isn’t Andy.
The main question that I have about the second episode is: what are those noises in the forest? Is it animals or is it weird leprechauns? The unfortunate thing about those noises is that when the came up in the episode I forgot about everything else and just listened to that. Overall, however, it was a good episode.
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